AVRIL

Dear God, You stand when all else falls.
You make the impossible,possible.
You are the only truth

Benjamin, 6th Jan , ♥


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Music Playlist at MixPod.com

“You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess”

March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 June 2010 July 2010 August 2010 September 2010 October 2010 November 2010

I hate myself.
I just want to bang the wall and die.
I suck to the max.
I'm a plain failure.
I can't even do a simple thing.
Sorry if i've disappoint you. I am so sorry.

WHAT A DAY. ZZZ.

FEEL LIKE SLAPPING (INSERTS NAME) FOR BEING SUCH A BASTARD.
I SWEAR I HATE HIM, YES I DO.
TAMADE. BASTARDDDDDD TOOOOOO THEEEEEE MAXXXXX.

CHEEEEEEBYEEEEEEE.GAHSSSSSSSS.

Just got home.
Went to Tm just now for dinner and met Alpha before that.
I'm soooo not looking forward to tmr.

I'm gonna throw all of my face tmr.
HOW THE FUCK AM I GONNA PLAY STREET SOCCER WHEN I HAVE NEVER KICKED A BALL PROPERLY IN MY ENTIRE LIFE.

Only 12 souls in my class passed maths.
PRAY HARD I'M ONE OF THEM. ><
I'm prepared to fail science. Don't really care actually
^^
Kay, i'm gonna sleep.
BYE BYE BYE BYE. :D

Blessed are all who fear the LORD, who walk in his ways. 2 You will eat the fruit of your labour; blessings and prosperity will be yours. Psalm 128:1 - 2

Hello people.
Today was hell mixed up.
THROW FACE, THROW FACE AND MORE THROW FACE.

Did CWO outside school today.
THROW FACE x100000000
Reported to detention room first.
THE ROOM DAMN FULL LA CAN.
Zzz.
Singh told us to get 2 garbage bags.
Walked outside the school and picked up litters which basically is everything on the floor that isn't supposed to be on the floor except leaves of course. -.-
Cigarette boxes, can drinks, plastic cups, aiya, whatever garbage you can think of. Zzz.
Then there was this group of guys.
WA, DO CIP UNTIL SO HIONG AH?
Stared at them,
And they said,
I DO CIP ALSO NEVER DO UNTIL SO HIONG. -.-
Collected one BIG bag of garbage and i swear it stinks like abcdefg. @#$%^&*
Bryan said that i took it from the dustbin. -.-

After CWO, bumped into BB CSM, got told that there was Speechday rehearsal today.
Seriously, really felt like crying after I was told.
FOREVER, GB IS NOT INFORMED.
Forever, we have to combine with BB to form a contingent of 35.
25 BB, 10 GB.
Don't even know if we'll get a place in the GOH. Zzz.

Then bumped into Miss yeo.
Talked to her........
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SHE FORGAVE ME.
Well, you may be happy, you may not be.
But I dontcare.
I won't have to make myself scarce in GB.
GOOD? BAD?
Dontknow la. So long as she won't strip my ranks off.

Went to WS afterwards.
I SWEAR I AM DAMN SUAY TODAY LA.
KEEP BUMPING INTO *AHEM*.
Cheebye. Tried so hard to not look.
But we ended up in the same bus.
And we went into the same shop.
GAHS.

KAY. SUA. DONTCARE. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
BYEBYEBYE.

希望我們永遠有話講

Labels: until you decide where you'd rather be, You will never leave where you are

Humans are just sooooo fucked.
Things must go wrong, before going right, thats when you learn.
Gahs.
Sian ttm.
Stacy yeo's gonna make me miserable tmr,
but idc.
I'M READY.
REASON?
DONT TELL YOU. :P
WEEEEEEEEEEE~
I can say my life is fucked, then awesome, then its fucked again, currently, its awesome again.
Apparently, its not up to me to control how people live their life.
So yea. I'm alright with shannon.
SAY WOW.
WOOOOOWWWWW!!!
Mr ng was spot on.

Kay, 12 more hours, and prepare a coffin for me.
BYE. D:

Its thursday.
Saturday is nearing.
Less than 48 hours.

Case closed.
Shafie wanted me to apologise to her + 1 week of cwo.
I did.

Anyway,
Happy CNY. This is prolly the best new year i ever had.

Hm, after school today, went to look for Miss yeo.
Wanted to apologise on my own accord but she said she wasn't free.

Oh well, this sat will probably be my last brigade session.
If she doesn't forgive me.
Even if she does. I doubt i'll be that thick skinned to stay.
Hais, don't really bear to leave. After all, i think i had given my 101% in everything i did in Gb.
All of a sudden, i'm gonna lose everything overnight.
Hah, thats life right? You lose some, you get some.
Memories will never be taken away.
But I'll definitely miss Gb.
Thanks people. ((:

Gb might not be the best cca in prcs. But i believe that gb girls are the best . ( excluding myself )
After all, i think we work the hardest, we strive for the best.
Its not as if we din work hard for what we think we deserve. Its just because Prcs is a rounded school. Prcs cant promote religion. If you were to ask why BB can have more recruits than Gb, its because BB is more well known.
Look at the BB sharity Giftbox. They have contributions to the society.
Unlike us, no offence.

I'm prepared for the worst.
I can't stand losing.
But apparently, i lost.
Its really funny . I always die, without knowing the reason.
This time round, i know what i did wrong, but i dont know what i did to deserve these.
I'm gonna get stripped off my ranks, i'm gonna lose the trust that I'd built these years, i'm gonna lose the respect that i think i deserve.
Rock on Gb 78th!
Take care, (:

Our God is a great God. He forgives us readily.
No one's created perfectly.
Oh well, If He brings you to it, He'll bring you through it.
Awesome is nothing without Him. ^^
I'll have faith in Him. (:


Faith is reacting positively to a negative situation. - -Dr. Robert Schuller

I think if you have faith about these things then you realize that judgement is made by other people. If you believe in God, it's made by God as well. The only way you can make a decision like that is to try to do the right things, according to your conscience and, for the rest of it, you leave it to the judgement that history will make.
-Tony Blair

No matter how steep the mountain - the Lord is going to climb it with you. - Helen Steiner Rice

Frequently remind yourself that God is with you, that He will never fail you, that you can count upon him. Say these words, "God is with me, helping me."
- Norman Vincent Peale

If you're interested, http://www.inspirational-quotations.com/faith-quotes.html
(:

The only thing that i ever would regret is i actually got people non related to this matter into trouble.
Paul Ng's right, indeed i have good friends. One of them i only got to know him this year, and he went to that extent of maybe getting himself into trouble to help me.
I know that this issue caused alot of disappointments. I'm sincerely sorry.
Through this incident, i've seen some of the teacher's true colours. Which teachers are willing to believe what you said, which teachers are gonna judge you by what they think you did when they themselves wasn't even involved.

I understand that I'm the biggest 'loser' in this game, i lost the most things.

But I'm prepared to leave Gb anytime.
Although I'll definitely not bear to, but well, i understand thats the consequence.
After all, when the trust is lost, you'll no longer get it back.
Miss Yeo was notified.
I've got no idea how i'm supposed to face her.
I really learned alot of things in Gb, i even got to know real cool people from Gb, i got to know God through Gb, i was given alot of chances by Gb.
In a blink of an eye, i've been in this awesome cca for 3 years. Although i admit that in this 3 years, i wasn't very happy some times regarding some of the issues. But the good memories overturns the bad ones.
Had awesome relationships with the seniors, juniors and people from my batch who rocks ttm, esp sophia and xinying. (:

No idea why, today in the general office when Paul ng was asking about my cca, my tears just flowed. Haha, most probably i already knew something like this is gonna happen.
Some people asked, do you think what you did as worth it?
I said YES.
But when it comes to Gb, No.
I knew from the very beginning, when i decided to confront her, i knew this would happen.
I just din stop.
I don't think i'm fit to be a part of Gb. "Seek, Serve and Follow Christ"
None of those actions was Christ like. None of those was what a Gb girl would do.

Perhaps to some people, cca is only an extra thing, but to me, its like the world.
Last year's speech day, I'd never forget what i went through. It was something much more than being isolated.
To me, its something about having the determination and perseverance to prove to Miss chua that I'm not the sort who gives up easily.
But what i've proven now to teachers are i'm a bad influence to friends around me, i use force to settle matters.

The thought of wanting to come back to help after i graduate just makes me feel like laughing.
Never plan things ahead. Cos you never know whats gonna happen tomorrow.
The thought of wanting to go for the audition for command shouting, the thought of wanting to go for the National day parade, the thought of wanting to be in the GOH contingent for speech day, the thought of wanting to have a drill test, the thought if wanting the seniors to throw a farewell party, the thought of wanting to actually become a drill instructor. All these, they are all meaningless already.

Mr Ng was still teaching me how to manage the cca, but i doubt i will need the advices now.




How i wish that i will just fall into a deep sleep and never wake up.
How i wish people will know how i feel.
How i wish things will go according to my plans.
How i wish life would be easier.
How i wish i could just vanish into thin air.
After all, its just a wish.
I'm still stucked in this world filled with misery.

Gb today, damn pissed, damn pekchek, damn tiring.
I just asked myself, why am i going for Gb?
For the cca points? Nah, thats not gonna help if i'm entering poly.
And apparently, i'm entering poly.
So why in the world am i attending gb to make myself pissed and shorten my life?
Someone enlighten me?
No longer am i excited for Gb, I don't even feel a sense of belonging in Gb.
What i'm doing for the past months made them think that i'm a devil.
Why am i doing this to myself? Acting like a siaozharbor, screaming here and there,
counting down.
And they think i'm having pms.
Can you guys stand in my shoes? If you think its nice, its fun, its easy.
Take this place. I'm worn out.
Hanging on a piece of thin thread, trying to find my motivation somewhere.
Where can i find it? Its not as if i love screaming and shouting.
It hurts okay.
Which UG can have a strength less than 50?
Why can't the school give us more people?
Why can't the school just use the brains and think?
Giving us 5 new cadets, might as well not give and close Gb down?
Its not like we don't have enough manpower, not as if we are not striving to get more
new cadets.
Does the school even gives us a chance?
N-O, NO!
Guides can have approx. 20 each year.
We are only given 1/4.
What is this?
I really don't know what i'm supposed to do.
I should just bang the wall huh.
One year and 3 months, i wouldn't give a damn if i were to step down now.
To think that i had even thought of returning back to prcs after i graduate.
Gahs.
What a great start for 2010 huh.
Tired to the max.
Why am i having so much problems, is this the life for a sec three?
Why are people all having problems?
Or is it only the unlucky me?

Weeeeeee!!!!~~~~

VERY EXCITED FOR CNY! :D
6 MORE DAYSSSSS. WOOHOOO!

Its my Dad's birthday today. Haha.
Time flies eh.

Anyway , I've settled allllll my CNY clothes. :D
Tampines mall, CS & T1 on Sat .
Orchard and Bugis ytd. ^^
Bugis was damnnn crowded and cramped.
But it was definitely worth the trip cos i bought 2 dresses , 1 skirt , 3 belts, 1 shorts, 2 shirts!
Weeeeeeee! ^^v
Less than 100$ hao bu hao.

Did my maths test today ,
Hell disappointing. Wasted three marks leh.
Tamade. :X
As usual , science was plain failure.
Think i will start looking for science tuition after common test. :X

CCA tmr , school ends at 4 on Wed, Supp and tuition on thurs.
I GOT NO TIME TO GET A HAIR CUT. D:

Gahs , problems nowadays.
Well, my life is not too bad compared to some other unfortunate souls.
So i shan't complain .

Blah blah blah.
I think *inserts name* blocked me on msn.
For what fuck sia , not as if'll talk to you.
But i'm still sad. D: D: D:

HIHIHI. :}
Pretty desperate for shopping. :X
Anyone who still needs to buy CNY clothes????
Jio me out pleaseeeeee.
I wanna spend $$$.
Lol , time flies leh , tmr got cca , i feel numb leh.
Gahs, 9 more days to CNY and my room's still in a mess.
Actually , i've got nothing to blog about.
Just felt like typing , and oh ya , i changed my blogskin.
Haha.

Today during self study, i did something, and i am damn proud of myselffff. :D
I overcame that fear leh.
THREE CHEERS FOR ME! ^^v
and apparently, my heart was..............
Beating damn fast, my face was red and hot.
What does that means?
Its for me to know , for you to find out. :)
i knew that feeling would come back, but i din expect it to be sooooo soon.
ALAMAKKKK.

Alrights , if any kind soul would just ask me out shopping tmr. :X

GOOD BYE. :D