Alright, second 'post'
Disclaimer: Gonna get depressing.


This is my 400th post, was looking back at my archives.
I've started blogging since Mar 2009.
Which is only last year. I read through my archives just now, and i realised,
i ought to be sent to IMH.
Don't ask me why, read it yourself.
It has been awhile since i posted something normal,
at least to me.
Okay, here goes.


I took a couple of minutes to digest the photo up there.
If you're smart, you'll get it straight away.
When i meant smart, i meant love smart.
In the beginning, I thought i was the second one.
Then i thought to myself,
Do i feel sad when I'm thinking of you?
My heart answered, "No".
That obviously made me the first.
Which made absolute sense, because when i think of you,
it put a smile on my face.
So, what exactly does it mean?
No idea yet, when i get it, I'll tell you.



I hardly speak about how i really feel.
Except maybe to a minority, i would rather say i don't care, i don't know, than to explain my thoughts and feelings to all the people in the world who is interested to know how my life went haywire, after i met a guy who totally screw it.
Last time, I told everyone how i felt.
Not now anymore, because it just shows that i'm weak.
And i totally hate it when people sympathies me.



This year, i would dare to say that i have grown up.
More of mentally.
The old me would most probably coop myself under the blanket and cry myself to sleep whenever i face a problem.
This year, I wouldn't even give a shit.
You may say that I'm cold blooded,
But let me tell you, I'm numb.
I've decided to strive to be a nvqiangren, because i realised,
the only person you can trust is yourself.
Because the world tells you the things that you like to hear,
not necessarily the truth.


I used to thought i was stucked in the past.
Then i realised, maybe i am, but my situation is much better than dumb-asses
who committed suicide because of love.


I dare to say I've changed, I'm no longer who i used to be.
The soft spoken Avril has become a part of history.
Maybe its the circumstances that forced me to speak up,
maybe its because i'm dead tired to agree with things i totally disagree.
Maybe.


A lot of people have been misunderstanding me.
But honestly, I'm too tired to explain any further.
I'm just disappointed,
after 3 years, you just showed that you don't know me at all.


Its 23rd Oct, and i am losing track of myself and time.
I begin to wonder why I am studying.
I begin to wonder why I care.
I begin to wonder what exactly is the word "love"
that everyone speaks of so easily.
They made this 4 letter word sound so easy.
But do they actually know what it actually means?


Is this love?
Well, different people may have different thoughts to this.
My thought, its love.
Because,


I don't wish to be that old lady.